Chele's Page

I have fallen in love with Bangkok again, it feels so great. I feel oh so very Carrie Bradshaw and her New York pride. I have a very strong love hate relationship with this city. I find myself wanting to escape it all the time, I want to be back in Europe, back in the streets of Oslo, roaming the back alleys of Paris, drinking beer till the end of dawn at various music festivals. I yearn for L.A, New York a life of new possibilities. Not today, today it has changed.
Its like the spark is back in an old relationship, Bangkok is the city that built me (gosh how cheezy that sounds) I spent so much time in my life wanting to escape it, hating the bad sides, feeling guilty of what the city has given me... like I didn't deserve it for some reason. I felt guilty that I was give the chance when I know it is so unfair that some are given the opportunity I was and some are not. Maybe because I have lived as a student in the most expensive country in the world for the past 3 years I finally see the value of money, the value of what needs to be valued I guess. I do miss Norway dearly, but mostly it is my friends.
I finally love my life, this really weird city I live in which is filled with so much excitement and culture. I finally realize what exciting life I live. How fun it is to be a working 28 year old that can dine and have drinks everyday at nice cocktail bars, such as the 4 seasons and it being my own money I spend, money I earned. I am finally OK with it, for so long I was afraid being hated for my own success. For indulging, its not that I want to go out and suddenly buy all these expensive things and do all these posh things. It is just if I did want to do it, I understand now it would be OK because it would not be about proving anything to anyone, it would be about treating me with what I think I deserve. For the first time in a looong time I do not want to be anywhere but here, I want to be right here in this very town Bangkok coz I am loving every minute of it and how my life is right now.
Remind me of this post in say...3 months...ya know I might change views by then. But today it feels very good to be me. It is rare to say that for me.

Just came back from work. Did a cosmetic show today. I was supposed to be spring out of the 4 seasons. I got to wear pink and all flowers. awww how cute.
I am so tired. Actually the drinks I had after work made me more tired. I love these shows though, excuse to get really really dressed up.
I need some sleeeeep now. Have a huge high school reunion weekend ahead. Its gonna be good.

P.S
A little shout out to Felicia who gets to go to a real cool concert tonight in Minneapolis to see a good friend of mine play, wish I could be there with ya. Enjoy.

So I been watching the Darjeeling Limited over and over again these past few days, I am in love with the movie.
I have had a silly crush on Jason Schwartzman for the longest time, ever since I saw Rushmore. Not only is he a cool actor he also made coconut records which is one of my favorite albums at the moment. So todays collage goes to Jason and me...


yup will be having sweet dreams tonight...

*Me back in prom 1996, the night I was prom queen. Awwwww*

First of all I want to give such warm thanks to Paula for her lovely guest post yesterday, the topic on becoming the older woman is certainly something I can relate to now that I'm 28. Guess when Puma told me he is currently seeing a 21 year old (tall Dutch beauty) well it felt very strange. I'm very happy for him of course, but I still feel old. I wonder what on on earth do they have in common? Then again I was once a 19 year old who moved in with a 30 year old. Older women gave me looks back then, looks I didn't understand. Though now that I am here I get it.

Today I feel like I am back in high school. I am like Molly Ringwald in pretty in pink or those high school movies where 2 people you never thought would hook up, hooks up and everyone knows. In my group or as in my metaphor my high school, gossip spreads like fire on dry grass.
The eccentric outspoken girl with such stubborn standards and weird moral views ends up having a crush on the guy who is fly, hip and really not the typical norm of what eccentric girl would fall for. Then again as my friend pointed out, I am the person who you can expect the unexpected with.
This past week I have caught myself smiling like a giggling little girl whenever I think of hipster man. I roll around in my bed ecstatic thinking about making out with him again.
Like a little girl again I wonder does he like me? What does he think of me? I call my girlfriends and we have the girliest girly talks just like high school girls. All I know is that I was so bummed when I didn't get the chance to see him the other day (he lives out of town...super bonus points) Now I have to wait one more week and I don't know if it was just a one night thing or maybe I will get some action now and then from hipster man. In high school it was all about don't put out, well that's a bit late for me. I sort of put out already so there ain't much more exciting to build up, but we had a damn good time while putting out. Definitely worth a round 2.

Having a crush again is great and evil, I like this stage where I am on my tippy toes excited and smiling from ear to ear. Though the fact that all my friends know him and they know me, well it just makes the story so much more juicier to gossip about around the dinner table. I know it was discussed over the weekend and I am so curious on what is being said. Heheheh this is so much fun, its like waiting for an invitation to prom. Gosh I am so giddy today.

I'm Paula (also known as Pippi) from Insert My Blog Name Here, and Chele asked me to guest-blog on something close to both our hearts. Thanks Chele! So here goes . . .


“And then I realised something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.” Carrie, Sex and The City

I'm still twenty something. But I'm verging close enough to thirty to empathise with this quote fairly acutely. Let me explain...

If only I could turn back time. How frequently I think that. By a couple of days, a couple of hours, perhaps even a minute or two after I have said something thoroughly stupid even by MY standards.

But right now, I feel like turning back the years.

Why is it I feel old now? I want to be young again. I want to be a new, improved YOUNGER model...

Except in this case, the newer improved model existed five years ago.

Let's compare Paula.2003 against Paula.2008

Paula.2003 is 23, Paula.2008 is five years older. Boo . . .

Paula.2003 has a full head of blonde hair. Paula.2008 is potentially going gray. Okay, she's only found one grey hair so far. But it's a slippery slope...

Paula.2003 weighed seven stone thirteen pounds. Paula.2008 is a stone heavier.

Paula.2003 had hope and optimism that she might be in a dead end job right now, but she would eventually find something better. Paula.2008 is . . . in another dead end job.

I might have more money in the bank, a bit more security, a little less (or no) virginity, a far quicker wit, and a bit more savvy than I did back then, but when I compare myself to the 23 year olds out there, the ones with the great jobs and futures ahead of them . . . I wonder what exactly went wrong. Why do they always get the good jobs, the great guys? Why am I the one who is floundering, a tiny fish in a big pond struggling to exist in amongst the sharks? And why are the better and more successful fish so much younger?

Obviously, this is a sweeping generalisation, I know. Not every 23 year old is unbelievably successful, I know this. Just like not every 28 year old is like me and NOT successful – take Chele for example, and all the incredible things she has done in her life. My achievements simply don't compare.

But this isn't about me comparing myself to someone the same age as me. It's about feeling like an old biddy while it seems the people taking all the great jobs, the luck, THE MEN . . . are so much younger. I know I'm not old, I know I don't even LOOK my age . . . but sometimes I just don't understand why getting older makes us seem less attractive to others all of a sudden.

It always has seemed to me that older guys seem to automatically gravitate to younger women. I don't know why. So to now be in the position of finding a guy choose a younger model... it's a bit gutting, to be perfectly frank. But why do they do it? I know, like I said, that I don't LOOK old. I was at a party the other week and people were actually astonished to discover my real age. So why? Is it that it's easier for a guy (or, I guess, a company) to mould a younger model to suit their ways? I know a lot of girls who are far younger than me and completely know their own mind, don't get me wrong. But it's taken me a while to get to a place where I don't WANT to change myself for a man. If, for example, a guy gave me a cd of someone they really liked and asked me to listen, I'd give it a chance. But if I don't like it, I don't like it. I'm not gonna pretend to like, say, The Rolling Stones, or Bruce Springsteen, or a certain film, just to impress someone else. What's the freaking point? To be perfectly honest, I think that's pretty sad. I guess I'm set in my ways – I believe in compromise, and I also believe that I don't have to like the same things someone else likes in order for me to be compatible with them. Is that wrong of me? Apparently.

This isn't even a matter of looks. Although I know I look older now than I did five years ago, I don't know whether it would hurt more to be replaced by a good looking younger model or a version that may have more potential but looks like crap. That's something Chele and I have both wondered about, and to be honest, it's hard to know what would leave a more bitter taste in one's mouth.

But I guess no matter how much I wish I was younger, how much I wish I could turn back time, I don't really want to go back there. Because I have learned so much in the last five years, both about myself and about other people. I feel like that knowledge has shaped me and moulded me as a person, helped me grow. Perhaps I'm not the perfect girl for one guy, perhaps they need someone else that they can help to grow up they way they choose to grow them. But hopefully I'll be the perfect girl for someone else. Someone who actually wants a girl who knows her own mind, who isn't just a sheep.

I'm proud of the fact I've learned enough to know I'm not willing to change completely for someone. I couldn't have said that 5 years ago. I didn't know my own mind back then. Now I do.
I know that while I'm willing to compromise in a relationship, I am not willing to compromise my personality. I also know that someone who doesn't appreciate my personality, likes and dislikes, is not someone I should be with. If being traded in for a younger model means being left on the shelf in the meantime, then I guess so be it.

After all, new trends come and go, and there's always a newer model to replace the previous one for someone who is fickle enough to drop one for another on a frequent basis. But quality vintage? That may be appreciated by fewer, but it's far more lasting . . .


Dedicated to anyone who has ever been traded in for a younger model...