So much for the insult of the day, I think you all get the picture. I only really have about a weeks full of insults which I mix and match from when the occasion comes calling (which is often). Having given up on my task, I have still managed to find a group of people that drive me fucking crazy. Who could it be? Old people that dress like young people. No, not the adorable old man wearing his hat crooked, that is just because he can't get his arm up that high. Hell, even if he could he doesn't have the strength to pull that brim down so the hat is on, rather than siting on top of, his head. Specifically, I would be referring to the scary middle aged guy wearing the ultra-baggy pants and sporting the grill, or even better the middle to geriatric aged woman sporting the ultra-tight Emo-band tee, with her super erect "monkey fingers" (thanks M. I have been waiting for a chance to use that for a long long time) waiting to put out an eye. Jesus Christ, I can't believe anyone complains about young, good looking folk's attire. I mean shit, at least they are good to look at (just remember "a closed mouth does not drool"). I seriously want to walk up to these jokers and pull their baggy pants/whorish tops down/up and laugh like a five year old at the wrinkled balls/saggy boobs.
Let this be my public warning: If you are old and wearing something that you shouldn't, please don't wear it in front of me. We are both going to end up embarrassed. Actually, I will be embarrassed, you will be bare-assed/breasted.
Sorry if you have been waiting for an insult, last week sort of got away from me, and that happens, a bunch. This week you can look forward to a)an update to my links, b)an update as to what has been going on in my life, c)more semi-stories of people driving me crazy, d)more insults (because I never did get up the cajones, bollocks, or good sense if you will, to go religious, racial, ethnic, sexist (well mostly), or along the lines of sexual orientation with my insult of the day, and well everyone knows that a really good insult is one that you can actually get punched in the fucking face for saying, not that this has happened to me, but, ohhh boy talk about Ahhh-kward!), or e)none of the above (because I am a SLACKASS). I suppose if you all wanted, that could be a survey, sort of a "you tell me and then I fucking ignore it" type thing, but, do what you will.
Stay out of trouble, and if you can't do that, at least try not to get caught, and if you can't manage that, you better make it worth it!
So, this is premature I realize, with the primary battle just heating up and we don't really know who the Presidential candidates will even be. However, one interesting little thought that I have only heard voiced by one, maybe two people tops. Imagine that Hillary the Barbarian escapes captivity from the slaving warlords and wins the primary and then continue to imagine that she goes on to destroy Ghoul-ianni or Catcher's Mitt. This would mean that we have had a member of one of two ruling families as our principle elected official in the United States for at least SIX terms, or TWENTY-FOUR years. That is to say that we will have had at least TWELVE years of Shrubites and at least TWELVE years of Slicksters. I say at least because there are plenty more of each to run for future political office and given the family histories...Strange, I thought Democracy was supposed to open the political process and make family dynasties the exception, not the norm. I suppose there exists the argument that it is just chance that members of these two families have taken residence in the White House consecutively for a quarter of a century, but, I find it hard to believe that in a country of three hundred million people, we couldn't find better than the three we have (including the one we didn't) "chosen" thus far and the one we may "choose" still. Methinks (hahaha, I love that shit) this is a symptom that Democracy is doomed to fail, the powerful struggle to maintain their power while the weak hold on and trust that the elite know best. Obviously if the Rethugs and Democraps are holding up these people as our great golden saviors then we must jump behind one or the other and then trust that they will do right by us in their coming time at the helm. It seems apparent that a two party system is downright detrimental to a healthy democracy, but, what are the alternatives, a sometimes scary Green party, a most times scary Libertarian bunch, a name that will always prevent the Communists or even Socialists from being anything more than shock value or even better some Corporate Sponsored Industrialist? I guess if you are a real Capitalist you maybe ought to think of that, that perhaps the best political party is one that is run by corporate interest groups, after all, growth and profit are the goal, correct?
Ha, funny thing is, now that I am starting to see some money (not a truckload mind you, but enough to get by for sure) I don't hate the machine so much, but, I am honest enough to step up and say it. It is fucking greed. I am a greedy greedy human and so are you. You and I have sold out, traded up. Agreed that this amount of time and stress equals this amount of money. The realization that this agreement is what keeps the whole show running helps remove the stress that seems to find it's way into other's lives. Not me, I know I am a whore, and if it keeps the paychecks coming, I will even smile and like it. Wow, tangent there!
So back to the point, didn't the founders of this country fight a fucking Revolution to escape from a Linage based, Religiously enforced, Hierarchical system of governance? All this talk of patriotism, but no one willing to die for the cause? Not fucking freeing Iraqis (you twit), or even destroying WMD (oh Gawd a funny!), but preventing a Bi-archy (yeah I know, call it a Bushism, I went to public school!) just like a Monarchy, only twice as bad!
I am afraid my friends, that this election cycle may just be something that changes the way we think about our leaders, or, maybe every cycle up to now has just proven the apathy and despair that so many are full of, and these criminals will just go on pushing fortunes and using the people who don't even care that they are being used anymore. I actually am looking forward to this one way or the other, if no one gives a damn, well, I am set, and if people start freaking out, I am going to have fuuuunnnn! Hell, a little bit of money goes along way.
With that the insult of the day is "CORPOWHORE!" As in: "You did what, with who, for how many cookies? You are a CORPOWHORE!" "I am a CORPOWHORE, if they pay me enough I will punch you right in the balls/face/tit/mit/dick/ass/kidney/neck/throat/back of the fucking head...twice!" "Well, for that kind of money, I'll be your CORPOWHORE!" "WTF, CORPOWHORE, that is my stapler!" Admit it, you are one, unless you are a hippie in the woods somewhere...HA, and I know that guy too!
More to come, CORPOWHORES!
I know that this one is going to make folks mad. Live with it. In honor of Veteran's Day, an insult reflecting the current state of the US Military is in order! Today's insult is WARMONGER! As in: "Dude, you didn't have to destroy that whole village, you God damn WARMONGER!" "You are too chicken shit to be a WARMONGER!" "WARMONGERING is not good for anyone but the WARMONGER!" "WTF, WARMONGER!" No doubt, there are some who join the cause out of a sense of obligation to their country, but, I have met plenty who are just plain bullies, wanting to exercise physical domination over another. Boo on that noise, and boo on all you cowards that hide behind the flag and nifty slogans of "support our troops." Fuck you, you worthless piece of shit, join up or shut up. "But I can't my left leg is two inches shorter than the right, or my asthma keeps me from joining." Yeah, I am calling you out, you are a WARMONGER, and when they come for you and your kids (either to make you fight, or just to take your non-perishables), I will be laughing, because I am a jerk like that and you will still suck. More to come...WARMONGERS!
Story of my life, always a day behind. Oh well, whatcha gonna do? Today's insult for yesterday is CAVEMANHANDS! As in: "No wonder you have so many typos, you have the CAVEMANHANDS!" "Yo! Keep your CAVEMANHANDS off me!" "You don't just have the CAVEMANHANDS, you are using the caveman club!" "WTF, CAVEMANHANDS!" Don't do anything that requires precision or a gentle touch with those hands! More to come, like right now, CAVEMANHANDS!
Fell asleep again after getting home. That is really the only complaint I have with the new job, these morning hours leave me drained. So, today's insult for yesterday is MINIWHORE! As in: "That slut in training is a total MINIWHORE!" "I can't believe that MINIWHORE'S parents let her out of the house like that!" "Yo MINIWHORE, how much for head?" (That is in the best Robin Leach impersonation I can muster) "WTF, MINIWHORE, put some pants on!" I know this one is pretty sexist, but when is the last time you saw an underage boy running around with his junk hanging out? Girls, don't whore out until you aren't getting the guys dumb enough to fuck you thrown in jail, and parents, seriously, show some fucking interest in your daughter's lives, and dudes that sleep with MINIWHORES, I really hope you all end up on Chris Hansen's Dateline NBC show, because you are some sick pricks, real whores though, you rock, two thumbs up and stay of the crack rock! More to come...MINIWHORES!
