Yet another Online Profile

Except yesterday didn't go as planned. So, my expectations are rearranged and delayed a couple of weeks.

This is frustrating.

Since we were in Manhattan, Marie and I got some grub at bakery/deli/soup place on Astor next to Broadway and then hit up the St. Mark's Bookstore to ogle some radical books.

Woah, just flashbacked to TMNT for a second. I had no intention of doing that.

Seriously though, they sell a lot of books that aren't sold at your regular, safe, corporate (and some independent) bookstores. Great stuff. We actually bought something this time, which is rare for us. Unless you count that book buying escapade in New Hampshire.. where we brought home twelve or fifteen. Never mind that. [The sack of bookalicious booty from New Hampshire included Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson. go read now! St. Mark's Bookstore from yesterday included What It Is by Lynda Barry and some other book that Marie has in her possession right now so I can't reference the title or author.]

However, while the action was delayed, the ideas surrounding the action have grown stronger and are pushing me to act on other ideas, as well. I'll keep you posted.

Gotta remember to drink lots of water today.. My head is clear.

I'm setting a course and checking my sails, the weather looks good and water is fine.

Gotta remember that suppressing myself is only stressing myself.

It's your thang. Do what you want to do.

Gotta shave. Heh. I amuse myself, this is a very good sign.

Alright, I can feel it. Perking up now. The day is here and the time has come. Talk about standing with your convictions, here I go.

And as far as I can tell, I'm not quiting the band.. I'd like to start one.

Tomorrow, I'm going to be closing a major life door. This is one of those things I never blog about (for the puffins who may want to know.) However, I've been conscious of this possible path for MANY years. It's a decision that is very much an adult (making decisions for the rest of my life) action.

I don't think I'm at all comfortable talking about this here. I've got family and friends who may never have known that this is something I've wanted or even considered doing.

I'm going to write about it, though. Maybe not here. Maybe just for myself... or on a new anonymous blog somewhere else. Maybe. I've also been less interested in blogging for the past week or so. I'm not pulling the plug, or taking a break (yet?). I'm just acknowledging that there are some aspects of blogging I do not enjoy at the moment.

Thanks for the kudos on the previous freewrite.. I think I'm going to try to put melody under those words.. and see if there are other words that would like to come and play. Goodnight all.

I've been foolish in serious situations
infatuated by a lonely heart in dreaming
wishing for a lover to return to me
and hold on so I can hold them back
meanwhile, I let my world escape the sun
forgetting all about the warmth I once felt
losing, bit by bit, the sweetness of a memory
as the roughened edges close in

For no real reason at all. Enjoy!

My mom's in town and Marie and I just took her to The Chorus Line (with Mario Lopez) on Broadway (for cheap! Kinda...)

I'm really tired. Also, I was freakishly ill the past couple of days and I'm glad I posted that picture yesterday before I was really sick because I didn't consider my computer as a form of enjoyment at all. More writing later.

-Mario Lopez has really toned up, is hot, can dance, still overacts. His character's name is Zach. Slater's playin' Zach! Ha! Anyway.

-All of the dancing was really good. Strange show. Still good.

-restaurant after the show: Food, blech. Music, Great! Drinks, great!

I'm glad my mom's in town for mother's day. How cool is that? Much love.

MMMMMmmm-HHmm! Look at those young studs! Rarr! Oh, you bet I was underage! Jailbait, baby! Yeah! [sits down. Is done. Goodnight!]

Recounting my dreams is usually really difficult for me because I tend to have a slippery grasp on the timeline. It's like I get all of this fantastic imagery and dialog with possibly some amazing, complex arrangements of songs (I am literally composing in my sleep) and I forget all about time. Time flies when you're having a good time? Hey, that probably applies here! Only, I'm not always having a good time in my dreams. Anyway, it still applies.

A few snippets:

-Marie and I were walking together. Inside? The ceilings were very tall, the room was long and not very deep. Like a television studio. And its physical properties would change every so often (time!! sigh). R.E.M. started pouring out of a speaker somewhere and in a line of their lyrics I heard them mention Maxwell's Demon, which is mattio's band. Marie and I turned to each other and smiled.

-There was a really strange obstacle course involved with the room.. I don't really feel like trying to explain it.

-After the obstacle course, I found myself in UT somewhere and then I ran into my brother (because, logically, I had spoken with my brother last night about how I won't be seeing him again until December. He said that I shouldn't see any pictures of him until then because he started his weight-loss program right after I left and he should be at his ideal weight right at the next time we see eachother.) He looked great! He was a stick (like he was in highschool) and healthy looking. The side effect of being healthy, though, is growing back all of the hair he lost? At that point, he basically began to transform in front of my eyes. Really subtle changes, until he was seven feet tall, his neck was two feet long, his arms were half a foot smaller than they are now and all of his hair (now remaining, because he lost some after he grew it back.. in the dream) had turned white. He seemed self-assured that this is what he wanted and I was just trying to accept that he was making his own decisions about his health and how he wanted to be.

So, snippets. I get these dreams every night and everyone of them is as vibrant as the one(s) I had the previous night. They don't always involve mutant brothers, however, they can't all be incredible. Oh, wait. They can. Because they're dreams and no one else has my dreams but me. Yoga. Then cleaning. Momma-C is arriving tomorrow and just wants to be a part of it, in old New York.

I've still got lots to write about, I just don't feel like it at all. My head implode. Seriously.

I'll probably tackle one of the Meme posts tomorrow after I clean the entire house to prepare for my mother's arrival on Friday morning.

Also, I should probably go run a special errand tomorrow and get an external harddrive to back-up the contents of THE MACHINE so that when the fan gives out and my computer fries, I'll have content to transfer to the new amazing Machine I'll be putting together soon after its predecessor kicks the bucket. Which is soon. Five years old, this machine is.

Bleh. The household feels like bleh, today. That sucks.

OH yeah. Go read these excellent questions.. There are many.

I've really got to head to bed.

with slight of thought
where insight is lost
I watch you barrel through
nearly, everything you do.