The real day after

Today I sat around and thought about yesterday and the day before yesterday.
Wandering into centra the next day in my halloween costume,
feeling pretty,
felling wanted.
Wanting to have sex with Cox and feeling his subtle rejection.

I like him, gah, and it's so immature to not just be able to come out with it but I can't,
my heart has been hurt too many times
and I've fucked up too many friendships.

Me and Cox and Josh went to the Newman building and I just sat and played piano for a couple of hours.
I forget how much I miss it,
how much the discipline helped me forget myself.
I started teaching myself a new Chopin
and that Lizst piece, Liebestaum, so beautiful,
then I got all my anger out in that big bangy flagello
and felt so deflated.
Then we went to the lake, smoked joints, Mariam joined us, I rang Pia, didn't get through.
I miss that girl and her madness, so much for her plan to come over for my birthday..
I barely hear from her anymore,
after five years of living together,
of her being able to judge if I'm sad by the way I say hi, she's too busy.
I'm not mad or envious or anything, just a little sad. I really do miss her and her white-blue eyes.
Josh went out, we went to the student bar, drank a few pints and Larry joined us, he asked me to design a tattoo for him.
A full leg sleeve, only direction being "Just something that reflects my personality"
I've known him for like 6 weeks or something, I DON'T WANT TO TATTOO MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS PERMANENTLY ON YOUR LEG! But i'll do a couple of nonsense sketches and see if I can come up with something, o__O
Then we went back to mine, watched a dvd.
I had Larry one side of me Cox the other. My legs on Larry, my head in Cox's lap, Cox's arm around me,
was nice,
warm,
safe.

Gah. Boys. Silly boos. I'm so grr sometimes.