Silence Surrounds me...

I have worked each Monday for the last 16 weeks. This week the teacher I was relieving is back and I find myself home...alone.

As I dropped the children at school and childcare today a million possibilities rushed through my mind. What will I do today..I could build the lego table and dolls house..I could do sewing...I could read or watch a movie..I could scrub the house from top to bottom and know it will stay that way for a few hours...I could go back to bed! the endless possibilities of free time.

Free time..I novel concept, something that I have not had in 6 years. I have never had a day to myself..well other than this year when the children are in care three days and the third day is a day I should be doing emergency work. But we are in week 5 of term 4, we are nearing the end of the year and i am exhausted. I am not so sure I want to get out there and advertise my services for the next 5 weeks, when it is unlikely they will remember to ring me anyway...excuses much? ;)

I gave Little Miss A a last huge hug at childcare and jumped in the car. Silence but a fleeting breath as my finger autmatically flicked on the radio, the music was blaring as I beeped when driving away. Where to now?

BUNNINGS!

I went straight for the wood aisle. I had the measurements in my phone for the table and dolls house! This was going to be great! I was so excited, I would buy the wood and then get home and have the garage doors open, sweltering in the heat of the day I would begin the task of cutting and nailing and creating. Making use of the child free day to get done the job that I wanted to be the biggest surprise of them all.

So there I stood for the longest time infront of the melamine wood display. All different sizes, one the right width and a longer length. No worries, I can cut it. As I worked out the calculations my minds eye glazed over until the pieces of singular wood before me morphed into the finished creations. How many would I need? my hands sculpting thin air into made pieces as I counted the shelves, walls, floors, roofs and tried to exact the amount needed.

Just as I began to get a clear idea the phone started ringing, doof doof, the only ring tone loud enough to penetrate my senses through the fabric of the nappy bag I always carry. It is M and he is wandering what I am doing. So I ask him about cutting this wood and he said the best way is with the power saw. I can feel the disapointment seep in, I had imagined using the hand saw. No problems, you can use it he says, just position the wood on the crate, stand on the wood and cut. Hmmm...all I can now envision is chopping my own leg off and being alone for hours until someone comes home to discover me bleeding out on the garage floor.

So instead of purchasing and creating today, I entered the measurements and price in my phone, ready to sketch out the designs properly and work on it together at night later this week.

What to do now? I ponder as I push my empty trolley?

Well we have an empty front garden bed now that I could fill up with pretties. So I make my way to the plant section and there I stand, staring at the hundreds of possibilities and realising what a huge decision this will be. This is the front of our house, and I hadn't before this point given a thought to that garden bed...sure I have planned out the one running along our brick front fence (which is yet to be constructed) but this one is a dream yet to be created. Not wanting to be hasty with plant buying I gave up that idea and headed to the exit, where I discovered little fans for $12 so I purchased one each for the children's rooms to try and aleviate slightly the humidity box in which they crawl at night to slumber.

Driving home I have to go past Spotlight. The opportunity to browse alone, with no complaints of boredom or starving 'have to eat now' children was too much to passby! In the driveway I turned and was soon strolling down the aisles.

It occured to me while shopping that I must look a sight to other shoppers or workers. I seem to spend every second in Spotlight with my creative vision on. I look at an object and my mind envisions all the things that I could turn it into, constructing it before my open eyes. Filling me with excitement at the prospect of creating.

You could not fathom how much material I have here that needs to be cut up and created. Or how much old clothing to be re-fashioned in the near future and yet there I stood, infront of the most gorgeous flower material which was on sale for $4 a metre and instantly I could see Little Miss A twirling in it...how could I walk away and leave it once I had seen that memory of the future? Gazing over the rainbows of cottons I discovered shirring elastic and recieved some advice on how to use it from a nearby worker..so that was in my little hands alongside the cotton thread reel (incase I didn't have any white at home, not likely but still, better to be sure) and some muslin because it was on special and I have an idea what to use it for. How devine it was to be shopping alone, shopping slowly with no cares, no guilt, no worries.

Now as I sit here at home I am sleepy, I could do with a nap right now but I will not. I have much I want to do and after I hit publish I am going to make this house sparkle, then I am going to dust off my sewing machine and create...I am not sure what, but I have been waiting to have a date with her for a while now and today with the heat sweltering and warming up our abode, with the children happy and playing in another realm, with the house clean and the tasks done I am going to sit down and create...

I can feel my heart swell already...