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Oh The Joys
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Georgia
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Oh, The Joys Blog
Nudie Booty -- Not So Cutie
I wasn't worried until I overheard the word "vagina".The Mayor was playing in his room with his friend Adam when The Rooster and I got home.
Roo hurried in to play with them and the next thing I knew...
"Blah blah blah VAGINA blah blah blah."
I hurried to the room and found three-year old Rooster buck naked showing off her lady parts to the boys.
The Mayor was occupied with a game on his junior laptop.
"Adam suggested she take off her clothes," he said nonchalantly.
"He's lying," Adam countered from his Lego-fortified position on the opposite side of the room.
"No I'm not," The Mayor argued.
[Ugh!]
The Rooster stood there grinning, basking in her own glorious nudity.
"First, I showed them my butt! Then I took off my shirt!" she announced with pride.
You have never seen a child so proud of her own bare hindquarters.
The child was beaming.
I admit, as her parent, I was thrown.
On the one hand, I'm clear that I don't want to make her ashamed of her body.
On the other hand, I'd also prefer that she not end up being the girl who shows the boys her business under the bleachers.
I wracked my brain for an appropriate parental approach to the situation and all I could come up with was the memory of my friend Elke's not-so-successful experience trying to explain to her son why some things were private.
Gah! What to say?
I've got to turn to the broader Internet on this one...
What do I tell The Rooster?
Romanza!
"I need to call our insurance agent. I want to find out about umbrella liability policies," he said.
He didn't notice that I was already in bed or that I had turned on the music.
[You know... THE MUSIC.]
"I also need to call our energy provider and lock in our rate at ninety four cents a therm."
He got ready for bed and climbed in.
"Ninety four cents a therm!" he exclaimed. "That's such a good rate!"
[Oh, the excitement.]
"I might have to give them a hard time about our Dedicated Design Day Capacity charge though."
[Our what charge?]
He kept on talking.
"What kind of insurance was it you said you were interested in?" I asked, giving his tush a little goose.
"Umbrella liability," he moaned, feigning the heights of passion.
"Baby, the things you say really get me going!" I laughed.
[And then the badda bing, badda boom was followed by a chorus of happy snores]
When he came home from work the next day, he said,
"I blew it! I gambled and didn't lock our rate. Energy went up to $1.04 per therm!"
I eyed him suspiciously and said,
"Are you trying to seduce me?"
The Offenses of Little Deer
I remember the barista having a wild, mop of dyed-black hair, vampire-white skin and gothic clothes.He worked at a local coffee shop called Espresso Royale when I was in college.
One day while I was ordering my coffee, the barista noticed a little, plastic Bambi figurine balancing on his cash register.
He picked it up and inspected it with a disdainful sneer.
"Deer," he said with complete distaste.
With a flick of his wrist, he hurled the offending Bambi over his shoulder.
I watched it roll under a piece of industrial kitchen equipment.
[Oh, no! Someone help Bambi!]
For some reason, that barista is now forever associated with Bambi in my head.The Rooster watched the Bambi movie for the first time the other day.
She was especially interested in the film's ending where first the skunk, then the rabbit and then Bambi all find themselves "twitterpated" by the fairer sex.
When all the animated, animal flirting was over, The Rooster turned to Grandma New York and me and said,
"Next week, when I go to Creighton's Birthday party, do you know what I'm going to do?"
"What Roo?" I asked.
"I'm gonna TWITTERPATE him."
Poor Crey. He's not going to know what hit him.
[Though he may well wish she would get lost under some industrial kitchen equipment!]
The Good Guy
Thanks to the fabulousness of the school calendar, there hasn't been any daycare for... a long, dang time.It was warm out the other day, so I took the short and loud people to the playground in the afternoon.
[As part of my double-top-secret-plan to wear down their boundless energy reserves.]
One of the doctors from our pediatrician's office showed up with her two boys and a herd of other moms and kids.
The Mayor, delighting in a burnt orange Big Wheel covered in flame stickers, was preoccupied with riding around and around the playground's perimeter.
Our pediatrician's three year old son, Jonah, was cut loose on the playground while his mother cared for her infant and chatted with other moms in her playgroup.
For no apparent reason, Jonah identified The Mayor as his number one enemy.
I watched Jonah crash and re-crash his bike into my surprised and startled Mayor.
When that didn't rattle him, Jonah got off his bike, walked over to The Mayor and purposefully shoved him.
[This Mama Lion's hackles were standing on end.]
The Mayor was genuinely puzzled by the boy's actions.
After all, he earned his nickname, The Mayor, for his glad-handing, friend-making ways. He is, by nature, friendly.
The Mayor didn't react to the bully so much as stare at him full of astonishment and curiosity.
[Though he did protest a bit when Jonah spit in his face.]
Later, Jonah and another boy climbed on top of a small playhouse and yelled out taunts.
"Hurry everybody! Get away from him! He's the BAD GUY!!"That got The Mayor's attention.
The Mayor pedaled his big wheel right up to the house.
Jonah and his friend scrambled to hide inside.
"Guys," The Mayor shouted, "I'm a good guy. Really, I'm a GOOD guy!"[Watching him insist on his own inherent goodness took my breath away.]
Four minutes later, The Mayor was somehow transformed and the two played nicely together from that moment on.
I told K this story as we were falling asleep.
"Is this how boys make friends? Is this how they get each other's attention?"
"Uh-huh," K muttered.
"It IS?" I asked again, incredulous.
K mumbled sleepily,
"What? What? Did you say something?"
[I thought about purposefully shoving him, you know, to get his attention.]
[Speaking of The Mayor, his surgical consult was postponed until next week. Thank you for all your kind thoughts and messages.]
Midnight In The House of Joy
I don't know what time it was when we went to bed last night, I only know it wasn't anywhere near midnight.We got all situated under the covers and then K jumped out of bed and rummaged around on his bureau.
He returned to bed with a travel alarm clock and began to fiddle with the settings.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"You'll see," he said.
He set the clock for 11:59.
"Look!" he said pointing at the clock and smiling.When the time read 12:00, K shouted.
"Happy New Year!"
He gave me an enormous, celebratory kiss.
"Hurrah!" I cheered.And then... we snored loudly.
Wishing you the happiest New Year.
xo,
OTJ
Oh The Joys's Page
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- Name or Pseudonym:
- Oh, The Joys
- About Me:
- My husband and I have two toddlers. They are fifteen months apart. The work load is crazy. When it all gets to be too much, we look at eachother and say sarcastic things like, "Oh, the joys" and "Our lives are so rich and full - are you experiencing the richness and fullness right now?" When things get really bad we say, "You're not going to go out for a pack of cigarettes and never come back are you?" When we're amused by two screaming children we share an imaginary cigarette and select a brand name for the occasion. Right before having two children, we traveled in SE Asia, Nepal, India, Africa, Central & South American for 16 months. Our lives are different now. Filled with joys... OH, THE JOYS! Seriously.
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Awww. That gives me a warm feeling.
Jess, you're my first NaBloPoMofo Friend.
*rosy cheeked smile, batting eyelashes*
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